Anticipation. This is the time of year for it. We are all excited for what is coming, we are adjusting our efforts and schedules to get things done so we can enjoy the payoff of the holidays. It is supposed to be fun and joyful – but is that what really happens? My guess is probably not. I highly doubt everything goes according to plan and that all of the stress ends up being worth it come January. You are left being stressed, broke, and maybe a bit disappointed. With all that anticipation, why didn’t things pan out the way you had hoped? What stopped your days from being merry and bright?
I think the A in Anxiety stands for anticipation. Anticipation is the feeling of strained excitement (can be negative or positive) that builds before an expected event or situation. When we set ourselves up to anticipate an event that we expect will be positive we are dropped to an all time low when it doesn’t met the Everest we were hoping for. On the other hand when we anticipate things will be stressful or bad (in-laws anyone?) we find that our anticipation is confirmed with a strained and stressful interaction.
If anticipation usually leads to a bad outcome with you feeling let down then how do we deal with that? How do we stop anticipating? The simple answer is “you don’t.” We are biologically wired to anticipate. There is something evolutionary in our make-up that helped us survive by anticipating so we were ready to protect ourselves, to seize opportunities, to act when called upon. So I hope that makes you feel a little bit better – we all do this.
The people who are successful at not letting their anticipation lead their experience have mastered to art of realistic thinking and maintaining a calm mind. So if you don’t want your anticipation leaving you feeling like you missed out on something, check in with the reality of the situation. What are the facts going into this event? What do you KNOW? When you have that sorted out, what are the likely outcomes based on history and your personal experience? Just try to take the rosy picture you have painted and stick it under some light. Examine the parts that may be a bit too rosy, too optimistic and make them more realistic.
Once you have your realistic picture, when you know what you are walking into, then trust yourself to handle it. Take peace in knowing that you are the best person to have in this situation and that you have done your homework on this. You’ve got this! Maybe it would be a more reassuring to see where you have more control for if things get hairy or uncomfortable. Do you need to drive separately so you can leave if you want? Maybe taking 15 min to make a phone call or check something would be just enough time to collect yourself.
The holidays are meant to be a time of joy where we can spend time with those we love. That always comes with its own bells and whistles, but when we prepare ourselves for the season’s events instead of anticipating them we can actually enjoy them like we want to.1
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